So....back in the states.....I keep trying to think what its like, being home I mean...I keep getting nothing....What compares to the bitter-sweet feeling of leaving the arms of a people that never asked questions?, I got there and I just was-FAMILY- Kind of like the kingdom<-from there arms to my family's, who also never asked questions,or expected, we just were, we just are......I try to console myself by saying that I am still just a boy and that I wont always want to whole world.......will I?....
Went to the beach a couple days ago with the Family....There was this hispanic (Maxican for those of us below the Mason-Dixon)....and he was cutting kudzu all day everyday, and on the third day, after working as hard as you would expect for three days solid, he found this old beat-up kite, tied it to a big clump of grass and bathed in the glorious site of his real work flying high as a kite(play on that as long as you like)
He looked up at me on my balcony, almost wanting my approval, if i thought too that in the midst of it all we have to fly kites, lots and lots of kites.....I told him "bien hecho"(good work), and he smiled the most genuine smile to date, and kept it for quite some time.....
Then I took a drive and said goodbye to some things....mostly memories that I guess I thought I could re-live, thinking they may just come around again....And the problem is that even if I could have everything as it was, same room, same folks, same mountains, same love.....I wouldn't take it, everything is so different, everyone is so different, and although the beauty of it all remains......it just doesn't seem enough....
Sometimes it just seems to be me and The Trapeze Swinger turning the last 21 years into folklore that Twain himself wouldn't swallow...
And so it seems that in this moment of acceptance, something begins that will try its best to keep up with the 30 foot giants I mountain biked with, the boys that knew over 200 instruments(some yet to be actually invented), the mountains that knew my name, and even said it every once in a while, my friend with a beard so long he swept the floor with it, the time it snowed 30 feet and school wasn't even canceled, my dog that let me ride him to school(and back).
And I just don't know if that something will pull it off. In fact I am quite sure it wont.
But i'll take it with dirty feet and a smile.
See you soon.
Mike Christmas
